For all you dog lovers out there, please don’t take to heart what I am about to dump on you.  I own a beagle.  We love him to death…he has been a fantastic family dog.  He is the oldest of the pack.  He is also the one beagle I own.  Can I  be honest…he is the worst breed of any dog I know!  He is stubborn, never stops sniffing, takes your seat when you get up, steals the kids food, oh and he eats his poop!  He barks at nothing, begs when there isn’t any food visible and he is constantly hungry.  He recently learned how to step on the garbage cans foot pedal, which I thought would be beagle proof,  and look inside for anything he might like.  He loves kleenex…dirty diapers, sanitary napkins.  I know, you are thinking why aren’t  we doing things to prevent this…would you believe me if I told you that he is an evil genius?  He is one step ahead of us…always!!!  He will wait quietly somewhere out of sight to strike!  You think I am nuts.  I have many funny stories to share.  Look for an up coming post…

Ciao!

Okay. I will get to the point….why are so many middle school students armed with cell phones?  I just don’t get it.  Yes, I was guilty of it for a few months with my then 12 year old but I yanked it!!  Did it upset her world?  You betcha!  Did she hates us?  Temporarily.  But you know what?  She has survived just fine without it.  She will probably be allowed a cell phone the later part of high school.  Right now, I don’t see the necessity and here’s why…

First, you never ever know who is calling your daughter…ever!  Isn’t that a bit unsettling to you?  I wasn’t fielding calls from the house phone any longer.  It disturbed me.  I got to thinking that she wasn’t on the house phone like she is on that cell phone.  It became such a part of her life.  Who am I kidding…it was her life…her life line to the world.  I like to monitor who is calling our home and having a cell phone makes that difficult.  Actually it makes it impossible.   Second, she would bring it to school or should I say sneak it to school.  She wouldn’t get on it at school but she would have it in her ear the moment she left the building.  Third, your child calls you when she gets somewhere, but how do you know that is where she is physically???  With a cell, parents are less apt to say can I speak with a parent.  You become too trusting and that can and will bring trouble.  We took our daughter’s phone away last summer for a time.  She didn’t like it that we didn’t give it back.  But I just decided that she was too young to have it. She couldn’t handle the responsibility of having a cell phone.  Like when to get off, turn it off, do homework, go to bed, call on time, be ready for school, etc..  I like fielding phone calls at home.  I know who is calling for my girl.  I like it like that.  It gets on her nerves at times but tough!

Ciao for now!

Sometimes a girl just needs her space.  Time to think about her friends, her family, boys, secret crushes and inner most thoughts that she may not even share with closest friend.  I have to admit, there are times when I want to bombard her with question after question.  It drives me crazy that I may not be the ‘go to’ person in her life.  It is difficult to see your teen growing up, tackling issues with peers, trying to figure out where they fit in.   Her first heartbreak, or a friend who was cruel…gossip and rumors.  The every day for a teen hasn’t changed much since we were young.  The same issues are still there, the same fears.  What to wear, who to talk to, who to be friends with, when to speak and when to be quiet.  Wanting their friends approval over yours.  It is a reality that can be very hard on you the parent.  You just need to let her know that you are there always.  You love her unconditionally.  You cannot let her moods get to you personally.  I remember I wasn’t always so pleasant to be around at times.  Teen years are hard, trying and emotionally draining at times.  But keep in mind that there is wonderful young lady in there waiting to emerge.  Your relationship will keep evolving.  These are the tough years but the end is well worth it.

Ciao for now!

Sex.  What comes to mind when a parent hears ’sex and daughter’ in the same sentence?  I can only imagine but if you don’t talk with your child about sex, give her/him the correct information and resources, they may not want to come to you with their natural curiosities and questions. They may even come to you and say their pregnant or they got someone pregnant.  We all lust.  It is human nature.  It is part of who we are as human beings.  Putting the fear of ones religion or your views and expectations are all fine and dandy.  But the reality dictates otherwise.   The pregnancy rates in this country  have risen over the last 10 years.  They have always been off the charts anyways.   Some are not given the tools to protect themselves against a pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases.  Just telling your daughter not to have sex because of ones religious beliefs, moral beliefs or whatever other reason is out there is simply  unacceptable.  It is like ‘Just say no to drugs’.  You have to dig deeper than that.  I will share this with you… I made a decision with my oldest daughter to put her on a form of Birth Control.  She was 16 at the time, had been seeing someone for  over 6 months and was ‘in love’.  I knew our talks were good.  She trusted me.  It wasn’t comfortable for me….I am her mom but I also knew that it would kill me if my little girl ever came to me and said she was pregnant.  I certainly do not want to raise my daughters child.    My husband was not on the same page as me.  He brought up religion, morals and values.    But I reminded him about the 17 year old who lived him in once…who was ‘in love‘ and found stolen moments all the time.    Don’t be afraid to give information for fear that they will have sex.  Abstinence is something we encourage and believe in ourselves.  Arming them with information can only have a positive impact.

Ciao for now!

Now hold on.  Before you get your daisy dukes in a bunch,  please hear me out.  Yes, I call them daisy dukes.…you know the ones…bend over and you see the curve of the buttocks peeking out for the world to see.  Good golly, I cannot remember wearing shorts this short but then again, this is coming from a women who as a  teen and until early adulthood no one knew I had skin let alone a full tush.  Now, where was I?

I hated that the schools dictated the ‘fingers should be above the shorts hem’, blah blah blah.  It is sooo difficult to find shorts that length…especially if your child has freakishly long arms and why couldn’t they make an exception for her freakishly long arms.  She would have to walk around school with her shoulders hunched and her arms drawn up a bit to get through the halls.  It was a challenge.  She got caught a couple of times and when I was called to bring up different clothing I would refuse.  I said she could walk around in her underwear if they found the shorts too short…  I admit, this did not score me points with the school let alone the school moms.  I feel the only one to dictate what my daughter should wear is her father and I.  Anyways, that is another story for another time.

Our girl is 14 now .  She is growing up and part of that process includes wanting to wear the latest fashion and to fit in.  This is a moment to pick and choose your fights.  Your daughter can pull off the daisy dukes with class.  Yes, class.  It is all in the way she carries herself.  By class I mean no sayings on the pockets, the hem should cover below the buttocks not at the buttocks and shouldn’t be too tight.  Oh and no high heels..  You don’t want her looking like a common street walker.

Now, when she comes to you wondering when she can wear a bikini….well, I’ve got nothing.  Bottoms Up!

Ciao for now!

Picture the scene:

Mother: What’s wrong sweetie?

Daughter:  Nothiiinnnggg!

Mother: Are you going to go to your friends in a bad mood?

Daughter: What do you mean?  I AM IN A GOOD MOOD!!   CAN’T YOU SEE THAT?  WHY DO YOU ASSUME THINGS ALL THE TIME!  OH YOU HATE ME DON’T YOU?

Wow!  In teen world, or should I say girl world, this is not an uncommon occurrence.  We have been there and might I add, I wouldn’t go back for all the money in the world.  Let’s face it, being a girl and becoming a women is not an easy feat.  The emotions alone could send you into a perpetual state of arrested development.  The one thing I have learned, riding the storm with an older daughter, is to pick and choose your fights.  Even for the most well rounded parent, the day to day battles are a challenge.  Just remember to get in touch with your ‘inner girl’ and somehow you will relate to your daughter. Sometimes just having an ear to bend and knowing that you love them unconditionally is huge.  The words that fly out of her mouth will send you wheeling.  The stomping off in a huff, slamming of the doors, yelling at the younger brother because he is laughing… Sometimes I wish I  could peel back the top of her head to get a better look at what is going on in that beautiful brain of hers, but, it wouldn’t do any good.  Her moods change like the wind and there isn’t a thing you can do about that.  Just hold on tight to your wits, your martini, buckle up and enjoy the ride.  Its gonna be bumpy.

Ciao for now!

Perhaps an intro is in order…Welcome to Toulla Talk.  The goal here is for you to enjoy what you read, take something from what you read and to relate it somehow, someway to your day to day.   Lifes experiences over the years have given me great material.   I am married with children that range from 24 to 9 years of age.  I have 3 dogs, a nutty family, even stranger in-laws and a husband who puts up with quite a bit.  You know the saying… life is stranger than fiction.   Look for an upcoming post…

Ciao for now!